Adoption Ignorance

Obviously, I've been on a blog break.  I've been so busy with church, my girls, coaching football, my girls, Zac's football...did I mention my girls...that I had to take a break from something.  My farm on Farm Town has went to the dogs & my blog was on break.  I'm not getting back on the tractor for a while, but the blog break is over. 

Last week, Bob Smietana, a reporter from the Tennessean, contacted me.  He was writing an article on international adoption, specifically Ethiopian adoption, and asked if he could meet with Amy, Aly Kate, Jadyn & me along with Chris & Dawn Hollomon and their new son Myles, who was also adopted from Ethiopia.  I've done several interviews with Bob, who always does a great job.  So, we met with Bob on Tuesday for about an hour while he did the typical reporter gig, asking questions & writing on his pad while recording the interview.  The article, printed in today's edition of the Tennessean, was my motivation to come out of blog hibernation.  Actually, it wasn't the article; it was the comments to the article.  The article was written to help educate people on adoption, while many of the comments reveal complete ignorance; adoption ignorance, social ignorance & even biblical ignorance.    

One of the critical threads running through many of the comments deals with "taking care of home," rather than adopting internationally.  Listen to this quote;

    "We concern ourselves with too many things overseas. We adopt kids overseas, send aide and         medical care overseas, send missionaries overseas, and try to encourage immigration so people     can flee their country to live here, and then we wonder why there are problems here.

    If your house is crowded, your brother is sick, your cousin unemployed, and your niece is an         orphan do you go to another city to help a total stranger while leaving your family unattended?     This is what we are doing, leaving our family unattended while concerning ourselves with other     people’s problem. Yes we should care, but if we have to choose to help family or strangers, and     we can only direct our assistance one way, then we should pick family."

Seriously?  Well, my house is crowded... my brother is sick (Transverse Myelitis)... I'm sure I have an unemployed cousin... at least I don't have a niece that's an orphan.  If I did, I'd adopt her AND go to another city, state or country to help a total stranger if I could because that's my responsibility as a Christ Follower. 

James 1:27 says, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this; to visit orphans & widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."  Wonder why God didn't say, visit orphans & windows in the USA or near your house?  Because orphans are orphans no matter where they are.  It's totally outlandish & elitist to believe that US orphans are more important or should garner more care & concern that orphans in any other country.  Could we be more ignorant of God's passion for the nations?  Do we really believe God loves America more than other countries & peoples of the world?  Are we really that arrogant? 

Amy & I didn't have a choice.  We adopted internationally because that's what God called us to do.  So, I guess those who feel we should have adopted from the USA rather than another country must have a god complex because they obviously feel their opinion trumps God's Word or God's call.  By the way, I wonder how many people who feel so strongly that we need to "take care of our own" have  actually adopted an orphan in the USA?  I'd love to know the answer to that question.   

Another quote that saddened me came from a lady who has also adopted from China.  It was in reference to the quote in the article about "rescuing orphans," something that we didn't say, by the way, but have absolutely no problem with.  Listen to her quote:

    "I have a slight problem with the word "rescue." Is this their primary reason for adopting a child     from overseas, or anywhere? To "rescue" that child? I think a person should adopt a child,             domestically or internationally, because they truly want to be a parent.  They truly want to love     a child. All children deserve a loving home. They should not have to feel grateful for that loving     home. Adopting in order to rescue seems a little ethnocentric to me. Is this how they will              explain it to their child when the child gets older? "We adopted you because we wanted to             rescue you from your birth country." I hope not. Kids aren't stupid. They will figure it out             eventually."

I know tons of people who've adopted from all over the world & the USA and everyone I know in the adoption community would ask this lady to please, do us a favor and don't speak for the adoption community. 

First of all, as I said, we didn't use the term "rescue" but it is completely appropriate.  The Psalmist said is Psalm 18:19, "He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."  This lady made a huge assumption that we only adopted our daughters to "rescue" them & not because we wanted to be a parent or because we loved them.  In fact, as Psalm 18:19 alludes, we did indeed "rescue" them because we delight in them.    

Also, in Psalm 82:4, the Psalmist commands us to "rescue the weak and needy..."  Proverbs 24:11 says, "Rescue those who are being taken away to death."  I'm sorry she doesn't like the word rescue, but God clearly commands us to rescue those who are weak & in need.  So, even though she might not like the term rescue when referring to orphans, it's clearly a biblical concept & I'm more interested in God's heart on the matter than someone's opinion.

Oh, and make no mistake, we didn't "rescue" either of our daughters from their "birth country;" we "rescued" them from poverty, starvation, neglect, abuse, loneliness, etc.  But, I'm sure of one thing, I will tell my daughters that I adopted them to rescue them from these realities because I delight in them enough to sacrifice everything for them.  But, if she thinks it's better to tell her daughters that their adoption was more about meeting her need to be a parent than their needs, she's free to do so.  I just want my daughters to know their adoption was about them & not us.

Sorry if this was too much of a rant.  I guess I've been in hibernation too long.

 

  

Comments

[Bete]

Awesome responses Pat!!!

[Kelly Watson]

Very well said Pat. Thank you for all that you do.

[LeVern Nunley]

Excellent rebuttal and explanation to an article that needed no explanation .... We must be related...

[Joel Sturdivant]

Rant on as long as you back it up with God's word. We have been quiet to long.

[Eddie]

I love it when your passion gets worked up...

[Diane Jackson]

I was heartbroken by many of the comments made. "Ignorant" is a compliment to some of those folks, because to me their words were ugly and hateful. On Amy's post, someone made a reference to the Abraham Lincoln quote, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out an remove all doubt." How true indeed. For those of us who know you all and love you, the Tennessean article is an amazing testimony of God's mercy and grace through you to a hurting world ... a world of orphans who would probably otherwise die from starvation, disease, and neglect. I wish we could adopt them all!! To God be the glory!

[Derek Chirch]

I really enjoyed reading this, Pat. You are right, God's call is bigger than the borders of this country. I would like to talk with you more in-depth sometime about this topic...I have several questions about the whole process

[Mary L. Smith]

Dear Bro. Pat,
First, I want to commend you and Amy, and congratulate you on your beautiful children. Your statement that you delight in them blessed my heart. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Second, I agree with you: an orphan is an orphan and, thanks to people like you, there are children who are no longer orphans, but are growing up in loving homes.
Third, don't allows others to hurt you with words of ignorance about the reasons that you and Amy chose adoption. God knows your hearts and thankfully, He is all-wise: He will commend you for sharing your gifts with your children by blessing you through them.
Sincerely,
Miki Smith
(Amanda's mom)

[Lesley]

I love your response!